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lots of tasty stuff there, right? i have been fixated on the concept of nourishment of late. actually, i think that word is a bit of a theme for our year.

paying special attention to feeding my body what it needs and what it wants. eating for health and eating for pleasure. balance. drinking wine and celebratory libations but sipping green juice and smoothies too. eating chocolate and pastries when my heart wants it but feasting on vibrant veg when my body needs it. moving. staying still. feasting. fasting. lemon water. frothy coffee. brave and bold and spontaneous. but also measured and quiet and patient.

i know that i cannot live on clean foods alone. it can't all be about discipline or restriction. life needs some fun and indulgence. kale and butter. superfoods and comfort foods. salad and pizza.

and as i ponder this concept as it relates to food, my mind wanders to other areas of life. and i wonder: am i truly finding nourishment? following my passions. exploring new paths. examining the nooks and crannies of my mind. chasing my dreams. scheduling and ordering and balancing. am i numbering my days, that i may obtain a heart of wisdom (pslam 90:12)? am i feasting on the goodness of the Lord? am i indulging in the richness of His Word? am i sucking up the marrow? am i enjoying this moment, hour, day, week, month? am i savoring? i know that i am full in Christ...but how does that inform my day?

do i have a spiritual eating disorder? do i have dysmorphia when it comes to my spiritual body? am i binging on junk? am i not eating enough heavenly manna? am i starving myself?

as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a worker, a whatever i am; it is crucial that i am properly fed. i need nourishing fuel. i need to be full so that i can pour into others. quantity of nourishment matters, and so does quality. an anemic life is no life at all. moreover, am i nourishing others? my relationships. my marriage. my children. do i bring value and blessing and pleasure and enjoyment and fullness and satisfaction to these important areas of life - to these people in my life? or am i stingy with my portions?

i have been thinking about this A LOT as it relates to my relationship with my children (i feel old and weird every single time i type or say that, by the way). as a parent, i am commanded to provide for the needs of my little ones. i am to "nourish" and "nurture" them. meeting their physical needs while also meeting their emotional and spiritual needs. educating them, disciplining them, supporting them, bringing them up in the fear of the Lord. i am to provide nourishment of all sorts for them. sometimes that looks like a morning plant-powered protein shake. sometimes that looks like enjoying a big cookie together. sometimes that looks like running around outside. sometimes that looks like taking a nap. sometimes it is applying a band-aid. sometimes it is telling them to collect themselves and get back on the horse. sometimes it is a stern look. sometimes it is delicate instruction. sometimes it is another warning or reminder. sometimes it is a spanking. sometimes it is forceful words. sometimes it is a forceful hug. sometimes it is rowdy play. sometimes it is quiet reading. sometimes it is encouraging their childlike wonder and questions. sometimes it is reigning them in.

life. it's not for the faint of heart. twists and turns. muck and mire. tough stuff and total bliss. deep caverns and majestic mountaintops.

i am so grateful that life and relationships and even, ourselves, are not simplistic. i love the complexity of it all. i love that God created us to be complicated and interesting beings. multifaceted. and may i be mindful of this and live a rich life. filled to overflowing by my extravagant Savior.