well, we are officially "in the window of possibility" now. the midwife casually tossed that phrase out the other day all nonchalant, like no biggie. meanwhile, i freaked out just a tad. not a bad freak out. just a WOAH freak out. you probably noticed the increased pulse and overall bodily tightening and squirming. you'd think that the last 38 weeks would tip me off that we have another baby coming but for some reason, it just started to sink in. we have another baby coming. you. you are coming. and wowee, you will be here so soon.
i keep going to bed with the thought that i could wake up in labor. i have moments when i think that you are coming that day and others when i think you will be in there forever. and i am going to have to start prefacing every phone call or text with "no, i am not in labor..." because being in the window puts people on alert like that. each call or text could mean baby time. today could be the day. or tomorrow. or the next. but hopefully, you will give us at least another week. pretty please. i mean, we are ready for you. we are excited. i really truly look forward to the "this is it" but the control freak in me just wants more time. more time for, i don't know, just time. i feel like i need to read more and plan more and rest more and enjoy more and cook more and clean more and do more. not to worry, if you came today, we are ready. you are good to go in the diaper and wipes department. i could care for you and dress you and all that essential stuff. and your room is pretty much there. again, all the essentials are in place and the last minute bits will be done in the next few days (the nonessentials that you won't notice and that only i care about, really). operation: make ridley's room into a cave is about 97% there. i just have two blackouts to add to the tiny square windows in your room. those windows may be small but man, the sun just burns and scorches. and i am all for a dark and cool place for baby. we also have that yankee print set to arrive next week to finish up the wall decor. and with all the sunlight blocked out for you, i figured i should add some lighting back in so i can see what i am doing during the late night feeds and diaper changes... lamps are on their way, little man!
but oh my goodness! this could be my last letter before you arrive. you just never know. and let me be honest with you, that makes me crazy. the not knowing. the not being in control. i hate that stuff. i want to know when you will arrive. i want to have a deadline and a date and a plan and a list and all that stuff that gives me a sense of control, even if it is a false sense of control. and God has been teaching me. He is teaching me to slow down. to be watchful and prayerful. to be mindful and meaningful. He is teaching me to rely on His supply and grace and trust His timing. to be productive and at peace. He is preparing my heart.
and our hearts are so excited to welcome you.
all our love,
mama + papa + elinor