dear peanut

oh my goodness.  what if this is my last dear peanut letter?  we are so close now that it is a real possibility.  your papa and i keep saying things like...this could be our last weekend, just the two of us...this could be our last dinner before she comes...this could be your last day at the office...this could be the last load of laundry before she arrives...and on and on and on.  we aren't getting our hopes up that you will arrive early but we are doing our best to prepare, just in case.  the reality is that i could very well be writing three more letters to you [eek!  please don't linger that long!] before your arrival.  this sure is a lesson in patience, little one.

God is teaching me to be still.  even though i am so very excited to meet you and get to know you, i am trying to soak up the last moments of this season.  i am trying to enjoy the final days of pregnancy...i know that not everybody gets to experience the birth of their child in this physical manner.  so, i am trying to not complain but to be grateful that my Heavenly Father has allowed me to carry you.  that He has allowed my body to adjust and to sustain you for this long.  so many women cannot conceive.  so many women have turbulent pregnancies.  some women's bodies fight against them.  some women's bodies just can't or won't carry them through to the end.  i have been given this special gift of pregnancy and heaven forbid that i take that for granted.  in my moments of frustration, i remind myself that God has blessed me with this time and wants to use this time to mold my heart.  no complaining allowed!

God is using all of it to prepare me.  when i bump my bump into a chair, He is teaching me to slow down and be watchful.  when i cannot do the things that i used to do in the same way, He is teaching me that i am not in control and that i need to rely on His supply and grace.  when i get frustrated, He is teaching me self-control.  when i have to swallow yet another capsule or vitamin or healthy supplement, He is teaching me to put the needs of others before my own.  God has me in training.  i am training to be a parent.  He is molding me into a mother.  preparing my heart for your arrival.  and i need to take advantage of this time because once you arrive, little one, we move into major on-the-job training.  bring on the feeding charts and piles of diapers and pediatrician visits and sleep deprivation.  it is going to be so blissfully bewildering.

love, your mama + your papa