well, this was a crazy weekend indeed. my body is tired and my mind is tired. it was go-go-go and when i am in "turbo mode" [as my hubby likes to call it] there is no stopping me. it is tunnel vision until the task at hand is complete. then, check! and onto the next. i can be pretty unreasonable and scary-focused. i won't stop until things are as they should be and done. if it has to get done, i will jump in and just get it done. i can be masterful at focused and prolonged spurts of extreme exertion.
however, being 18 weeks preggo, my body is now fighting against my "turbo mode". i can't just keep going, i have a little one that needs the basic necessities. i have to sit. i have to stop. i have to drink water. i have to eat. these things are important for little peanut.
last night, i was able to sit down and stay put for the first time in days. and then, it all hit me. my hands were puffy. my feet ached. i felt heavy. the hours and hours of work hit me at once and it felt like a million pounds. and then, my mind kicked into gear...why do you do that? why can't you just rest? why do you have to push and push? don't you know you need rest? it is okay to say "no" and just stop. these are unpleasant thoughts for me. to make matters worse, i picked up my pregnancy journal to check in on what is happening with baby. the first entry smacked me in the face. something to the effect of...the next few weeks are important growth weeks. your body will be pushing to adjust to all the rapid changes. make sure to get plenty of rest. sit down. drink fluids. eat plenty of food. take care of yourself so that you don't tax your internal organs as they struggle to support baby. great. this weekend was the exact opposite of that.
just as guilt started to creep in, i began to think about what my Savior said about rest. why was Jesus so emphatic about rest during his ministry? because he understands our tendencies. he understands that people will just go and go until they drop. he is acquainted with our ways. he knows that unless we are told to rest, we won't do it. we will work until exhaustion and then, we become useless. this is not how we are to walk through life. tired and sore. we need rest. there is a reason why the sabbath was set aside for rest. furthermore, this wasn't just a suggestion, there were strict sabbath rules that forced people to obey and just peace, be still.
and he said to them, “come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” for many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.
that last phrase "for many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat" is a great description of my weekend. and he said to them, "come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” well, if Jesus says so...
this week, i am going to do just that. in spite of my checklists and to-do's and desire to get stuff done and go-go-go, i am going to set aside time to go away by myself to a quiet place and rest. i am going to soak up my Savior, let Him fill me up and restore my soul. this week, i am going to stroll beside the cool and quiet waters that i might be refreshed. and, i will take a nice little picnic basket so i have plenty of food to nourish baby :)
:: coram deo ::